Pandemic Poetry

Thanks for stoppin' by and checkin' out the Bsombin' blog! I wanted to share a poem I wrote last year. 

Since the start of the pandemic, I've talked to a lot of people about how they feel about the current state of the world and how they are dealing with it. It feels like most of us share a feeling of disbelief and are disappointment, when we talk about all the moments and opportunities that we have been robbed of by the pandemic. From high school graduations and weddings to job opportunities and closed down businesses, the pandemic changed everything for most of us and left us all with broken dreams.

I found most of the people who I spoke with saying things like, "...when this thing is over and we get back to normal." I feel like the world as we knew it has come to an end and we are currently in a new world. In other words, things aren't ever going to go back to the "normal" of yesterday. Which isn't entirely a bad thing, considering how messed up "normal" was. Still, change is seldom easy. Even more so when it's forced on us. Which, I feel, is why most people are hopeful that we will be able to go back to things being just the same way they were before COVID-19 turned the world on it's head. But I'm hopeful that we will progress and take this as an opportunity to learn and grow into a more conscious, cautious, and thoughtful world.

All these conversations got me to thinking a lot about "hopes" and "expectations". And what they can do to a person when life doesn't give us the future we had hoped for or expected. From my own experience, it can really fuck a person up! The hardest changes I've had forced on me weren't due to a global virus. For me, my divorce was probably the hardest time I had with failed hopes and expectations. But, the pandemic has had it's effects on me, I won't lie. The silver lining, though, is that with change comes new opportunities and a chance to start on a new path towards something greater than what we had been hoping for or expecting.

All this thinking and feeling inspired me to write the following poem. It's about losing all the things we had our hearts set on and dealing with the fact that those dreams won't come true. The title sums up how I felt after being forced to give up on some of my greatest hopes and expectations. And the poem is a mix of my own thoughts and feels along with those of the people who I spoke to regarding the pandemic. 

“Disillusioned”

Lost in a land that

Does not exist…

Tethered to the

Tireless memories of

Moments that

We never shared,

Pining what we

Did not have;

Missing what we

Failed to do;

Praying for a

Future that

Never was,

As we

Hold on to our

“If”s & “When”s,

Like dead

Flowers that

Never bloomed,

All because of what

We grew

Inside of our

Hearts and minds

Before knowing that

The worlds we knew

Were doomed

Left in their wake,

Looking for

What should have been,

Praying,

“Please, God, help,

For Heaven's Sake…”

Disillusioned

- Bsomb4

"Tip Toeing"

It's been a good minute... The craziness the world has been going through, over the past year, made my desire to write disappear almost entirely. But, despite the lack of blog posts, I never stopped going out on my adventures or creating art. I just stopped posting most of my work. The little I've shared on social media, over the past year and a half, is less than one percent of all the content I've been hoarding. From art projects to poems to museum tours to cruise nights... I have a lot of stuff to share! 

Moving forward, the order of things is going to get a little scrambled... I'll be posting a mix of old and new. That way I can continue posting current events while also going back and sharing all the old content I have saved. To start off the trip through time, here's an old poem I wrote a few years ago...

"Tip Toeing"

As the moon reigned,

I found you

Tip toeing

Through the

Back of my mind

Wrapping our

Antiquated moments

Around silent

Streams

And flooding them

With a sweet

Mist of forgotten

Breaths &

Promises...

In her sovereignty,

The moon held the

Veil that masked

Us from

The "Now" &

This fucking divide,

While you hung

Lost impressions

On falling rafters,

And elevated them

With the warm

Air from abandoned

Embraces &

Aspirations

...As the moon

Reigned in

Her sovereignty,

So to did

Your honey

Rain down on

My serenity,

While you

Tip toed through

The back of

My mysterious mind...

- Bsomb 4

Untitled Poem #94070

Thanks for checkin' out the Bsombin' blog! I recently found an old poem I had written. I don't even remember writing this poem. So I'm not really sure when I wrote it. But I keep several note pads that I have filled with poems, quotes, creative project ideas, and randoms thoughts. And I found it as I was going through one of them. I didn't give it a title, when I wrote it. So I decided to leave it untitled and just gave it a number instead. I think it made it a little more enjoyable for me to read, because I had forgotten writing it. It almost felt like reading someone else's poem or being someone else reading my work. Not knowing how it ended made me want to read it even more. I don't think it's my best work. But I really enjoyed finding it and reading it. So I wanted to share it. I hope you enjoy it as well. If you do, leave a comment and let me know. And don't forget to check back soon for more art, poetry, photography, and more here on Bsombin'!

"#94070"

She found me
In the dark,
It was destiny...
God's will,
For her to save me

...It was the way
That she
Reflected all
My broken pieces
To make me feel
Whole
That
Captured my soul...

She never asked
What happened or
What I wanted...
She never asked
Me to do for her or
For me to stay...
She just stayed
With me
Through the long cold nights
& Promised me,
"It will all be okay."

She gave to me &
Took to give me more
But she has never taken
Anything away from me
She only takes
For me
So that I can
Heal & be
Free

I shutter
At the thought
Of her not with me
Because I've fallen
Madly in love with her...
So, who is she?
She is my passion,
She is
Photography


- Bsomb 4

Pausing from pictures for poetry...

"Ghost Text"

The curtain closed on calm,

And the sweat bled from my palms...

As I looked down and saw her text,

Suddenly a little boy stood wondering what to do next...

Breath strained from sitting motionless,

Pulse screaming, feeling like such a fucking mess...

From butterflies in my stomach to a

Panic in my chest...
A lot I didn't know how to process

I wanted to answer her

But, I was also unsure...

I thought,

"Remember what she did to us?

Remember how it hurt?

Remember how we cried for month,

After she treated us like dirt?

Remember being ignored and

Being shown she didn't care?

Remember being disrespected and

Treated unfair?

Remember all the lies she told

And how our warmth was met with cold?

Have you forgotten all the empty words she spoke

Or how she left us broken and without any hope?

But still I answered,

"How are you. I missed you."

And then we relived everything

I wish I never went through...

Once again wondering,

Why am I so fuckin' dumb?!

...Ever since I first saw her,

It seems, this fool stayed sprung...

Just a sucker for a woman

That don't love me none,

To me she is a queen,

But to her I'm just a bum...

Abandoned by her highness,

In loneliness' kingdom

- Bsomb4

A Weekend In Guatemala - Pt6. The Poem After The Pictures

"ANTIGUA"


First,
I found
Her's to be a timeless air
That robs you of your breath as it
Moves you back centuries

Then,
I found myself captivated,
While capturing her timeless antiquities and
Enjoying her sensual energy,
Hypnotic orchestration of vibrations, and
Majestic bouquet of hues and tones

Delighted by her"imperfections",
    In awe of all her "flaws",
        Highlighted by the vast selection
            Of moments given to me to pause...

...Her lines all instersected,
In the perfect places
                ...Her horizon flowed endlessly,
                Between the heaves and the earth

There was sunlight beaming
From her native's faces,
                Shining into my soul and proving
                Her's a priceless worth

Perfection was embraced by
Her arches and crowns,
    With blue heaves and green fire mountains
    Screaming as backgrounds

In the bat of an eye,
    Without any delays,
        Submerged in her beauty and
            Drowning in her display!

Consumed by her vision,
    held firm by her charms,
        I drank up all her beauty,
            & embraced her without arms,

In her windows
I saw sunshine shining on me
While I played as a child

On her streets
I saw pieces of me that I lost &
A future I might one day find again

I found myself
Lost in what she showed me
And realized that the captor had been captured by the captivating

...And this is why the pieces of me that I lost are still there




- Bsomb4

Poetic Pause

"Reasons For Retreat & Retirement"

This, the reasons for my joy's retreat...

A want so savage,

Hosting

Logic's slaughter and making it

A daily mass

At which

Emotions and memories

Congregate to channel

The apparitions of 

Those nights gone by...

...Nights when she would be

The Venus in my onyx sky,

As her star shine

Guided me from toiling to soothed,

And her moon beams

Illuminated my shadows adding luster to

My grimy matte finish

...Nights that always held

Summer's warmth & comfort,

Adding purpose to my waste while

Liberating broken fragments from

Their obligations to detonate,

As temples were built into temple, 

Once she finished knocking down my walls

...Nights when she relieved me of 

The obligation of sleep

In order to dream and

When sleep became obligatory

Only after

She taught my

Heart,

Mind, and

Soul

Pleasure's deepest truths and 

Joy's highest purpose 

...Nights that

Lead to 

Days which held

The delicate air of

Passion

Along side the fragrance of  

Those smokey chia kisses that

Sheltered me from dawns cold hands

With that warm soothing amber glow that

Radiated her sentiments

...Night's that drew the days,

When my sun shined brightest,

To an end...

And thus this savage want will

Continue to host

Logic's slaughter and making it

A daily mass

At which

Emotions and memories

Congregate to channel

The apparitions of 

Those nights gone by...

...This, the reasons that my joy has retired.

- Bsomb4

Return Of The " Hopeless Romantic"...

Thanks for checkin' out the Bsombin' blog! I didn't write too much poetry, while I took time off from the blog, but I did manage to get a few things written. I've actually been a lot more prolific lately. But, tonight I will share something I wrote last year, since I'm catching up. Hope you enjoy. Be sure to check back soon for more Bsombin'!

"Day Dreaming In My Sleep"

I fell asleep and 

Awoke in a dream...

Welcomed into these 

Lucid moments by

Smokey Chai kisses

Placed on my aura by

Chocolate covered lips...

Submerged in my quite orchestration of

Wishes and wants,

I was beached on her warm sweet ivory coast,

Hidden from the cold grey yonder,

Beneath the satin waves that witnessed 

Our jubilee...

Silently,

I melted into memories of how 

We swam...

Me in her currents &

Her in my tide,

She was the ebb &

I was the flow,

She swam in my ocean while

I swam in her sea.

...As we were both being pulled on by 

The moon and the star's gravity

But, when sunshine found it's way 

Through the grey and onto 

What moon beams could not see,

My paradise turned and said to me,

"If only this could be...

Sadly this is nothing more than your 

Dreams of memories..."

Then I cried myself to sleep, 

In her arms as

Smokey Chai kisses were

Placed on my aura by

Chocolate covered lips...

As I fell asleep in my dreams of her

I awoke in tears

...Sitting awake,

Drowning in dreams

About what used to be,

Sinking in  thoughts,

Since my heart's 

Still so heavy...

-Bsomb4

Poetry Mondays

Hello world! Thanks for stoppin' by my blog. I haven't posted in a bit. So, I will be posting a few more things through out the week, this week. To start, I wanted to share a new poem I wrote...  

"Absence's Fruit" 

What is this that

Absence has grown

In my temple's garden?

...It grew,

Potted in

Insecurities, doubts, and 

Rumination's endlessness... 

Without light or love,

Fed fears and worries 

By despair's 

Icy, hard, black hands

It sprouted at dusk

And saw night before day,

Kissed by moon beams,

Under ultraviolet skies,

Absorbing only the star's shine and

The night's cold

It drew nutrients from

Silver linings and solitude's calm,

After finding Need's priority over Want; &

Want's appeal over Had; &

Had's sour after-taste lingering

In my rib and vertebrae

Then,

When it should have died,

Out of a broken rotting bud

Bloomed a titanium blossom

With matte black petals,

Polished onyx leaves and 

Diamond tipped thorns

Now,

It's cold hard ebony branches hold

The fruits of fortitude,

As the sun rises to find

It's twisted black limbs

Escalating in a 

Spiral around my 

Delicate tenderness,

Surrounding the fragile pieces and bits,

Being worn like a heated exoskeleton

Incubating and encapsulating

The frail frozen fragments,

The Strong tree casts its shadow on

The sad past

& it's wilted memories,

Surrounding our echos with 

Muting vines and 

Fencing out those apparitions 

Left by us to haunt me. 

-Bsomb4

My poetic depth

"Implosion"

Frozen desert &

Arctic oasis

  ...they found my 

    Sediment in sentiment's aftermath,

      Before beginning to 

        Implement their icy ways on my

          Blackened fragments

    Their's was a forced assimilation,

      Brought by void's embrace,

        Which demanded I be force fed insecurities

          By rejection's tundra and

            Solitudes abyss

  As arteries turned to winter streams,

    During the decomposition of my corner stone,

      The absence of sunshine invaded my tomorrows and besieged my fortified

      Bliss;

        Sympathy forced her gravity to invert it's pull and crystallized into a toxic

        Shrapnel embedded in my sense of self and subconscious; & 

          My failure's echos set off the avalanche that buried my will to continue

Then, just as

  My moon began to sink into bitterness' black ice,

    The last drop of 

      Sunshine that my heart had left inside

        Dripped over my third eye...

Suddenly, this abomination imploded,

  Forgetting my regrets and lamentations, as

    Selflessness replaced the frozen eyes I was blinded by & 

      Mended the wounds that had been inflicted by greed and gluten,

        Then compassion and empathy grew out of depression and apathy...

The black ice was replaced by red magma & the bitter wrath transformed to

  Sweet affection

...Once broken and cold,

  Now solid & fiery...

    Never again will heart ache's frost settle on my

      Summery soul, now that it burns full of love's wisdom & understanding!

- Bsomb4

A Haiku poem to celebrate the arrival of Spring

Spring Things

Green bud on brown branch

New born bird sings in it's nest

Bright colors are blooming

Too little too late...

They say hind-sight is twenty-twenty... Can't argue there. I mean, if I could look back on things before doing them, I would be living the life I dream about already. Instead, I'm still working towards making that life a reality and realizing all my dreams. It can be frustrating looking back on our failures in order to learn and grow from them. But, I feel that without reflecting on our mistakes, we risk missing the complete lesson that life was teaching us and open the door to history repeating itself in our lives. Of all the things one should reflect upon, matters of the heart tend to be the most difficult and frustrating to look back on,  for me. But, none the less, it is often the only way we can look at the lessons in their entirety in order to keep from making the same mistakes twice. I find that poetry has made this process of growing through hind-sight a little less difficult for me. So I use poetry as both a way to express my emotions and means to reflect and develope as an artist & person. The following is a poem I wrote when I realized that I had lost the woman I loved...

"Forgive Me Love"

First a friend & 

Then a pleasure, 

All the while

A Jewel & a treasure

...Because of this,

In my heart,

For you,

Has grown,

A love without measure

You've helped me to 

Heal;

You've lead me to

Grow;

You made me want to feel &

Taught me so much that, otherwise,

I'd never know

Your beauty & love

Inspire me to shine

Because,

In you,

I see the perfect heart

To pair with mine

...& though, I was blind,

for such a long time, 

And so often stepped

So far out of line,

Now, I see that 

You are the one

I've longed for &

Was lead to by the

Divine

Please forgive me,

For all I've done wrong...

Instead,

Let me show you my

Love's extent

& give me the chance to 

Make, all I feel for you, evident

-Bsomb4

Personal conflict, confessed poetically

"My..."

...Ups & downs,

Lows & highs,

...Big smile &

Teary eyes,

...Light past

The dark,

...Bite after 

The bark,

...Hugs & kisses,

Slugs & disses

...All mine,

Because of my 

Heart & Mind 

& their endless 

Effort to separate 

The two halves that are 

Intertwined.

Bsomb4 

Message...

"6EQUJ5"

As you lay

On the spinning earth,

Bones & flesh

At all they are worth,

Travelers through both 

Time & Space

...rushed through both,

"The human race"

Seeking to find your

Peace & place,

Soon to meet God

face to face,

Fearlessly,

Dreams, you must chase,

Till held, at last,

By death's embrace!

-Bsomb4

To my uncle...

"The Hands That Shaped Me"

Food for thought,

Fuel to feel,

& promises of Gods love

In return for righteousness 

...You fed me when I was famished,

My third eye was found in your souls glow,

Jubilant & juvenile,

You mixed love & wisdom into 

My compound, before I began to set...

And, once hardened, 

You chiseled the chips off my shoulders & 

Inscribed inspiration in my mind,

Then, with your last effort,

You forced me to learn 

Forgiving, understanding, & how to let go

...Even your mistakes taught me &

Helped me grow,

Now that you are gone, 

I miss you more than even I know.

Bsomb4

Poetry & Motion

"My Light Song"

I will sing my light &

Shine through the black of night

To the deaf, show the sounds of joy,

To the blind, sing the joy of sight

My shine will not mute,

My song can not fade,

For the meek and the broken,

Croon bright and parade,

For the lost and the lame

Glow a luminous serenade,

This song must beam bright,

This loud shine must be played

From now till the reaper,

My light song, I will sing

To lending sound and sight to the needy &,

To bring glory to my king!

-Bsomb4

Poetic affirmations

"Fire In Me"

I am as smoke...

When everything

Around me burns,

I rise above it all

I am as flame...

I do not look for

The light at the 

End of the tunnel,

I light the way & will

Lead those who 

Can't see

Through the dark

I am as ash...

The greater 

The fire burns,

The more I will grow

-Bsomb4

Post #420

...that's number four-twenty, not hashtag four-twenty. But post 420, here on the blog, either way. With that said, here's a picture and a poem in honor of four hundred and twenty posts over the past 4 and a half years... Thanks for checkin' out the blog. Check back next year for more Bsombin'& have a Happy New Year!! 

"Sickened By My Medicine"

I got a crutch made outta of dead vegetation,

...The cloud under my wing assists in elevation,

For all sickness, She's the best medication,

Enabling the "train of thought" to reach new destinations,

Though named depressant, she brings stimulation,

Subtracts from the mind boundary and limitation,

Enters the blood stream by way of inhalation,

...Pardon me, it's time to give a demonstration,

When life's killing me, she's brings reincarnation,

Dimming all my pain as she slows me circulation,

Tolerance insists on higher concentrations,

So the dollars get spent in large denominations,

Though she's a soothing breath of meditation,

Beware, she demands complete &  total dedication,

She'll enslave with her sweet seductive sedation,

& she might make finding her your full time occupation,

-Bsomb4

Old Painting. New Poem.

"Through The Moon's Queendom"

Below the

Sparkling onxy 

Yonder,

I labor through 

Cold raven air,

In a 

Perishable temple...

Relentlessly 

Muscles are strained;

Bones are stressed;

Teeth are gnashed; & 

The mind fights to

Find the will to 

Push past the want for rest,

So that a soul can climb the 

Stairway to heaven

Accomplished in 

God's eyes

Ignored go 

Sleep's summons, & 

Refused are exhaustion's 

Commands,

As time drags 

This decaying shell through

The moon's queendom,

So that it can 

Learn, through her, how to 

Shed light 

Onto a 

Sunless world

As she does

Evoked by

The flame of 

Dissatisfaction,

Which burns mind and heart,

I grow;

Push; &

Fight to birth my 

Love & passion

On the surface of the sun,

To watch them blossom in the heat,

Then, one day, burn so bright they come to 

Blind the stars

-Bsomb4

A Sunday Poem

"Dear Love,"

I had you and lost you,

Time and time again...

You grew out of stranger,

You grew out of friend,

You grew unexpected

You grew now and then

Then you grew into something

From which I had to mend

Your scars, I still wear them

Though they're hind from site

...Your pleasure in play,&

Your suffer from fight...

So much time left in darkness,

after dancing in light,

At the thought of your return,

Shear panic & fright

If ever reincarnated,

Please be subtle and chose wise

Grow in truth and conviction

To endure through both halves' lives

Grow through feeling and from mind

Not from wanting and through the eyes

Grow closer to your honest paradise

And farthest from your hell's lies

I am afraid to death of what you can do to me.

Since what you did to me made me want to die,

So, for now, not always, I'm saying goodbye

Though I know you'll disagree, since you refuse to reply

-Bsomb4